"RightFootDown" (rightfootdown)
01/22/2016 at 14:26 • Filed to: None
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"RightFootDown" (rightfootdown)
01/22/2016 at 14:26 • Filed to: None | 7
| 10 |
**Disclaimer: we are in no way responsible for your safety if you choose to follow the actions of this article. How’s that to lead off an article?**
Here at the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! headquarters, we are snow experts. Our training spans from the hills of New Jersey, to rally cross racing a BRZ on ICE. The RFD staff has been through several “Snowpocalyspes,” and we are here to help. Follow our tips so you don’t end up like this !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! stuck on a hill, or watch !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! from the Philadelphia Police Department for your SNOWPOCALYPSE entertainment to stay safe.
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RFD’s Pro Tips To Surviving a Snowpocalypse:
PANIC: First thing you should do is freak out. What is better than 24 inches of snow? A whole city of people in a panic.
ORGANIC FOOD: Buy it by the truckload. Bring your lifted truck to the local organic grocery and BUY everything in sight. You never know when you’ll need that organic GMO-free, dairy-free, soy-free, reduced fat tempeh bacon. Stock up essentials: ivory soap, seven-grain tortillas, organic sorbetto, wrapping paper, cold-pressed olive oil and most important napkins.
DRIVE EVERYWHERE: Head out for a spin to see what is going on. Check out how many people have been in accidents. Bring the children along too, you never want to miss an important teaching opportunity.
LIFTED TRUCK AND SUV DRIVERS SPEED UP: Physics explains when you’re in a Super-duty-duly-extended-cab-lifted pick-up, snow can’t stop you. So keep driving faster. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Lifted trucks don’t know what snow is.
DON’T CLEAR THE SNOW OFF YOUR CAR: Seriously, who has the time? Does it matter it will fly off into other cars on the highway? No. Do you think I can reach the top of my lifted truck? Heck no.
SNOW TRUCKS, PASS THEM! There is nothing more annoying then a snow truck in the fast lane trying to block you on your way to your favorite organic grocery store. Pass that sucker in your lifted super-duty. Show those snow trucks who should really be plowing the roads.
ALL-SEASON TIRES WORN-OUT? No worries, snow can’t stop an all-wheel-drive Excursions. Better yet, put on that sticky R-compound rubber you’ve been saving for track days. You’ll need the performance to pass those slow snow trucks.
TAILGATE THE CAR IN-FRONT OF YOU: Improve your gas mileage by drafting. Plus, you might even be able to steal some heat, extending the life of your radiator. Win-win.
HEADLIGHTS: Don’t turn them on, conserve your battery and alternator. In a SNOWPOCALYPSE you want to be the last person on the road. Heck, following our tips you’ll be the only person on the road.
!!! UNKNOWN HEADER TYPE (MULTI-LINE BREAK?) !!!
IGNORE OUR TIPS! In all seriousness, be SAFE! Drive safely. When it snows, it is not a time to mess around and see how great your car is in the snow. The RFD team wants you to keep enjoying our articles and this can’t be done if you’re not safe during a SNOWPOCALYPSE.
BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
> RightFootDown
01/22/2016 at 14:29 |
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Order take-out, amiright??
TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> RightFootDown
01/22/2016 at 14:32 |
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Me? I’ve stocked up on ammo so when you get back from the store I just take yo shit.
Future next gen S2000 owner
> RightFootDown
01/22/2016 at 14:34 |
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This has been a PSA for all DC drivers. We now return you to your normally scheduled programming.
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Future next gen S2000 owner
> BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
01/22/2016 at 14:34 |
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Delivery!
Chris_K_F drives an FR-Slow
> RightFootDown
01/22/2016 at 14:38 |
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3. DRIVE EVERYWHERE:...
I actually do this... minus the kids part.
Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again.
> RightFootDown
01/22/2016 at 14:53 |
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Followed your advice, am now upside down in ditch in my Ferd F5000 surrounded by organic food. Please advise.
Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> RightFootDown
01/22/2016 at 14:55 |
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Would these same rules work for a stanced car?
qbeezy
> RightFootDown
01/22/2016 at 14:59 |
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Top 2 tips for survival,
1. Get food stocked before hand cause we all know winter’s coming. Has been for like, EVER.
2. Stay off the roads. Why leave when you already have all the things you need?
But this is hilarious btw lol
unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
> Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again.
01/22/2016 at 15:12 |
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RIP Sir Stig there will be refreshments at your funeral. For Canada might give your eulogy though.
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Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again.
> unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
01/22/2016 at 15:17 |
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I would like a top ten least for my eugoogly, and a center for ants established in this ditch.